With modern science preserving old people into years far beyond the dreams of their own progenitors, many more of them are exceeding their ‘best before’ date posing a larger potential threat to the lives of British people than swine flu, Islamic Fundamentalist terrorism and burger vans.
If you’re leaving a major roundabout and your exit’s suddenly blocked by a Rover 400 completing a full lap of the roundabout on the outside on the basis that the right exit will come up eventually – old person.
If you leave a motorway and cruise down the filter lane to bear left and find a car stopped giving way to another car that’s got its own exit lane – old person.
Admittedly, old people have less accidents but that’s only because they’re all happening just behind them leaving the culprit to potter off to the garden centre for a ball of twine.
Test every two years after 65 – one day I’ll be there and I’ll see the point.
Following the government’s recent announcement that wrinklies will be expected to work until the age of seventy in Britain after 2012, Gorseman Coaches of Reading has announced a new weekly coach trip to Dignitas, taking in the beautiful Swiss scenery and culminating in a once in a lifetime visit to the clinic on the shores of Lake Zurich where one’s bones will eventually end up (allegedly) for any old person who will not be able to make ends meet after retirement.
Prices range from £179.00 (one way – Oyster cards not accepted) which includes one night in a local tavern eating sauerkraut to ‘get you in the mood’ for your jab.
In case you’re thinking this is in bad taste and is wrong – you’re right. This is wrong. Travelling to Switzerland to die is wrong. Everyone should have the right to live, and just as importantly to die with dignity, not with Dignitas.
IN MEMORY OF
Paddy Higgins
GID'S NIB
A couple of wrinklies have won £25 Million on the Euro Lottery saying that it's not going to change their lives.
Silly bastards, make them give it back.
2080
Rainy winters snug by the fire, sunny hot summers like Spain growing olives, grapes, lemons and limes; this is climate change - don't listen to them - they're talking bollocks.
HARMAN BACKS BROWN
Harman tells reporters: Like every sturdy knocker, this Country needs a knob and Gordon's the best man for the job.
WELL DONE PIERRE
A big thank you to Pierre, Jean Paul, Luc and Marco, the four Froggie fishermen for starving Britain of goods over the last few days - that's not 'French' at all is it?
HELLO
Please follow one of the many links scattered around to the Orangutan charities.
With modern science preserving old people into years far beyond the dreams of their own progenitors, many more of them are exceeding their ‘best before’ date posing a larger potential threat to the lives of British people than swine flu, Islamic Fundamentalist terrorism and burger vans.
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