BRITISH PEOPLE ARE GUT BUCKETS
Professor Susan Jebb, the British Government’s chief fat bastard tsarina has finally published her paper on obesity, dieting and gut bucket syndrome within the general public.
Government statistics have been showing a steep rise in the number of people in England and Wales now officially classified as a number 9 on the Lardy Fatarse Scale and research has prompted the rush through parliament of a white paper making it illegal to serve food with anything other than water in a jug.
Professor Jebb told waiting reporters last night “half of you lot are fat bastards, get on a bike you lazy shits; and maybe you’ll be able to see your bollocks again – you disgust me you hutt jabbing gutter trash scum”.
David Cameron backed Professor Jebb by telling the reporters that they were all liars, cheats, criminals and stank of fags but there would be no retribution over the phone hacking thing as the people affected were insignificant members of the public and c list has beens.
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IN MEMORY OF
Paddy Higgins
GID'S NIB
A couple of wrinklies have won £25 Million on the Euro Lottery saying that it's not going to change their lives.
Silly bastards, make them give it back.
2080
Rainy winters snug by the fire, sunny hot summers like Spain growing olives, grapes, lemons and limes; this is climate change - don't listen to them - they're talking bollocks.
HARMAN BACKS BROWN
Harman tells reporters: Like every sturdy knocker, this Country needs a knob and Gordon's the best man for the job.
WELL DONE PIERRE
A big thank you to Pierre, Jean Paul, Luc and Marco, the four Froggie fishermen for starving Britain of goods over the last few days - that's not 'French' at all is it?
HELLO
Please follow one of the many links scattered around to the Orangutan charities.
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