SALMOND
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced in Parliament that England would be prepared to allow Scotland to stay within the United Kingdom on the condition that Alex Salmond emigrates to Soweto.
This statement comes hot on the heels of the announcement from the European Union that in the event of Scotland separating from the rest of the UK, all companies must relocate their Head Offices to the country where the majority of their business derives from.
This includes RBS and other financial institutions along with oil companies and equipment manufacturers who sell the majority of their goods in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
It’s not all doom and gloom though as it would also mean that Greggs, The White Lightening Cider Company, Dr Oetker Pizzas and Marlboro would all be relocating to Scotland.
IN MEMORY OF
Paddy Higgins
GID'S NIB
A couple of wrinklies have won £25 Million on the Euro Lottery saying that it's not going to change their lives.
Silly bastards, make them give it back.
2080
Rainy winters snug by the fire, sunny hot summers like Spain growing olives, grapes, lemons and limes; this is climate change - don't listen to them - they're talking bollocks.
HARMAN BACKS BROWN
Harman tells reporters: Like every sturdy knocker, this Country needs a knob and Gordon's the best man for the job.
WELL DONE PIERRE
A big thank you to Pierre, Jean Paul, Luc and Marco, the four Froggie fishermen for starving Britain of goods over the last few days - that's not 'French' at all is it?
HELLO
Please follow one of the many links scattered around to the Orangutan charities.
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