ENVIRONMENT AGENCY
In an attempt to fill its coffers, the Environment Agency has decided to add used cotton wool buds to the list of non hazardous things it classifies as hazardous thus necessitating the payment of a few quid for a special waste consignment note.
If you spill some non hazardous lubricating oil, mop it up and throw it away as a waste it miraculously becomes hazardous – kerching – money please. If you throw a load of old kettles, irons and toasters away they too now become hazardous unless you can prove otherwise – kerching – money please.
As from February, if you use a cotton wool bud to remove wax from your ear and your cat can’t quite eat the whole thing – kerching – money please – it’s hazardous – well, it isn’t and they’re not really but prepare yourself for the day when taking a piss will require a waste management licence from the E.A. and a discharge consent from Thames Water.
IN MEMORY OF
Paddy Higgins
GID'S NIB
A couple of wrinklies have won £25 Million on the Euro Lottery saying that it's not going to change their lives.
Silly bastards, make them give it back.
2080
Rainy winters snug by the fire, sunny hot summers like Spain growing olives, grapes, lemons and limes; this is climate change - don't listen to them - they're talking bollocks.
HARMAN BACKS BROWN
Harman tells reporters: Like every sturdy knocker, this Country needs a knob and Gordon's the best man for the job.
WELL DONE PIERRE
A big thank you to Pierre, Jean Paul, Luc and Marco, the four Froggie fishermen for starving Britain of goods over the last few days - that's not 'French' at all is it?
HELLO
Please follow one of the many links scattered around to the Orangutan charities.
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