CLEGG ANNOUNCES NEW REGIMENTS

In answer to the public’s concern over benefit claimants receiving vast payouts in return for nothing being expected of them other than the pretence of looking for work, Nick Clegg the Deputy Prime Minister announced to Parliament yesterday the creation of the First Queens Benetroop Regiment to be stationed in Warminster, Wiltshire.

Tasked with specialist roles currently being undertaken by the main body of the British Army, the FQBR will operate deep in hostile territory carrying out mine detection, bomb disposal, reconnaissance and snatch squad operations.

Having successfully completed two tours of service in Afghanistan, the FQBR will then be issued with camouflage clothing, weapons, armoured vehicles and food rations. An additional airborne Parabenetroop Regiment (FQPBR) based in Aldershot will undertake infrastructure destruction roles and after two successful drops into enemy territory will be supplied with parachutes.

Nick Clegg denied claims that this was a disguised attempt at reducing the number of people claiming benefits however he did agree that if the regiments prompted people to accept other jobs with a greater life expectancy then so be it.