ENGLAND 2018

The 24 wives of members of the procurement committee in Saudi Arabia who will vote on the tender to supply fighter aircraft have each been sent a $550,000 Bentley Mulsanne by BAE’s bid team. Only joking; of course they haven’t as that would be bribery.

However it is no sin when the 24 wags of members of Fifa's executive committee who will vote on the World Cup venue for the 2018 tournament were each sent a £230.00 Mulberry handbag by England’s bid team.

This is nothing new as Fifa is no stranger to bribery and actively encourages it by sending out lists to bidding nations detailing which bungs are acceptable and which items stand the least chance of influencing the vote.

England's 2018 campaign was dealt a blow by Fifa vice-president Jack Warner when, on a recent trip to London he said he thought their efforts were a load of bollocks. Good, give the tournament to some other mugs who can’t afford it – we’ll still be living down the shame of the 2012 Olympics (or the ‘how to do a tournament on a tight budget games’).