NEW FRANCHISES AVAILABLE

The coke to guns franchise group Alkeye Eda Environmental Solutions plc has announced pre-tax profits up by 23 per cent this week.

New franchises in India, Britain, America and Saudi Arabia (there’s no terrorism in Saudi Arabia) contributed an additional forty million members to its workforce – in America alone the group now employs more people than Harley Davidson.

The Group restructured it’s operations in 2007 following the successful completion of an arms deal with Pakistan who agreed to supply state of the art Hummers and other American hardware confiscated from American employed hauliers. The first Hummers entered service last month and have proved an asset to distribution.

Rumours in the City of London suggest that Alkeye Eda is about to make a bid for failed retailer F W Woolworth. The Group made known it’s interest in the ‘pick and mix’ section of Woolies in 2006.