RUSSIANS BAN YORKSHIRE PUDDING

Russia expelled four British diplomats Thursday in response to Britain's expulsion of the same number of Russian diplomats this week over Moscow's refusal to extradite a major suspect in the fatal radiation poisoning of a former KGB agent in London last year because the British wouldn’t return an old artefact in response to Russia not backing Britain in the UN.

In a Boxing Day address to the people, Vladimir Kosslerovich also added Yorkshire Pudding, Cottage Pie, warm beer, Benny Hill, white sliced bread and the Reliant Robin to the list of goods banned from sale in the country.

David Milliband called the Russian actions cheap and puerile after announcing the withdrawal of all Russian Vodka in the UK, the banning of authentic mass made matrioshka dolls and the closing of the Seconda Watch Plant in Cheshire.

The British Government has warned British traders at Black Sea ports to be prepared to leave. Freights on the Black Sea have risen 50 per cent.

Russia must decide if it wants positive relations with the West, Britain said Monday after President Vladimir Putin warned of a new Cold War-style arms race.

The Russians, who were friendly until recently are sitting on a big fat chunk of the earth’s oil and gas, they’re rich in minerals, there’s loads of them and we’re picking a fight with them. Lord Palmerston would be impressed.

NEWS IN BRIEF

According to the latest MI6 ‘News in Brief’ bulletin, the Russians have developed a ‘shitpukeski’ virus which causes severe vomiting and diarrhoea and are planning to test it on a random sample of human beings – the UK.

The Russians stupidly believe that the British would milk the idea of a three day virus into a week off work and every employer would gladly chuckle at the concept of self certification.

www.mi6/howtofindus.com