EAT KANGAROO

There’s no denying that it’s sad to see the Maldives disappear to rising sea levels, but that’s the part of the cycle we’re in and I’m sure their hotels are ramping up their prices leading up to d-day.

Let’s not forget however that for every millimetre of land lost to the sea in the Maldives, another is planted with grapes in Eastern Europe and that’s the part of the cycle we’re in.

Portsmouth, like the Maldives will lose it’s beach but two hundred air craft carriers, battle ships, cruisers and destroyers have got to park somewhere and the Navy already has plans to become Britains largest Banana grower, that’s the part of the cycle we’re in.

Even if you believe the crap that comes from the scare mongers and take it at face value that mans (and all the evil that goes with him) presence on the planet is making things worse, we all know that it’s not the car that man drives to work that creates the worst ‘environmental damage’ but the cow, goat or sheep that burps it’s way through it’s short life from ovary to oven.

So unless the world stops eating beef, drinking milk, necking a donna kebab after the pub or the nutty scientists finally invent the methane free versions or worst case scenario we all start eating kangaroo which is naturally a non methane belching beast, don’t look distastefully at that 4x4 before you’ve converted from Bacon Double Cheeseburgers to a tofu salad.

The eco-warriors say that if we all stopped producing carbon dioxide now, the seas would still rise for another 1,000 years – bollocks – says who? Some geek with a computer model? And if it’s so – what’s the point?

TO ATTACK ROYAL NAVY – BOMB HERE

The British Royal Navy has announced plans to reduce costs both to it and Britain’s enemies by bringing the entire fleet together in one place; Portsmouth, the harbor of pearls.

The enlargement of Portsmouth Naval Base is planned to take twenty seven months including commissioning. Being a totally British project a completion date has been set for November 2017.

Under the Freedom of Information and Human Rights Acts, the British Government has set up a website with maps showing how to get there with the least environmental impact/wheelchair ramps etc, statistics about ship numbers, which craft have been converting to running on bio-diesel derived from waste cooking oil, home addresses of all seamen currently based at Portsmouth Naval Base, Google links to photographs showing which vessels are in port and current orders to all Captains.

Tour groups of ten or more can only be accommodated on Sundays. No rucksacks.