This week saw the publication of the IPCC’s latest
predictions generated by its unrivalled I-Ching computer model.
Possibly the most important piece of research related to
climate change ever produced, the I Ching ‘YOGONNA-DI MA-FUGA 4’ report draws
eight main conclusions that will affect people living in low-lying, large
urban, coastal, rural, small urban, hilltop, arid, Caversham, semi-arid,
tropical and Arctic regions.
1.
You’re going to die, be injured or get ill if
you live in low-lying places, islands and on the coast due to flooding and
shit.
2.
You’re going to be really bloody ill and get
divorced if you live in large urban areas due to flooding and shit.
3.
Your train to Wokingham will be cancelled; you’re
going to get power cuts and if you have a heart attack there won’t be an
ambulance available due to shitty weather – i.e. you’re going to die.
4.
You’re going to die from heat stroke if you work
outdoors or in Caversham.
5.
You will no longer be able to buy McVities Digestives
in Sainsbury’s on Friar Street because the stuff they’re made from will either have
been burnt on the stalk in the field, starved of water or flooded – i.e. all
the crops are going to fail.
6.
Everyone living in villages other than Buxton will
die due to a lack of water
7.
All the fish are going to die.
8.
All the rivers are going to dry up.
Other than that, on a more positive note, there will be less
slugs about.
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