HONDA

In a canny move by Gordon Brown’s government, everybody made redundant in the UK (after last Fridays announcement that we’re in recession) will be given a Honda Civic 1.4 litre car, bought and paid for by the tax payer. Each redundant will then have the option to sell on EBay immediately or wait in the hope of the price going up.

When the Civic 1.4 litre has hit rock bottom on the world car price list, Gordon intends to buy them back, returning them to Honda who will recycle them into environmentally friendly ‘run on air’ vehicles with potato tyres which emit a single drop of pure water every forty two miles – a sure-fire hit with teachers and vicars.

In answer to the dental industry’s plea for help, the government has refused to bale out struggling toothpaste manufacturers resulting in three thousand redundancies all of whom collect their Honda Civic 1.4 litre cars next week – the first ten of which will be of a bespoke design with red and blue stripes.

Unfortunately Honda has just put it’s workforce off until June so there’s no-one at the plant to make the cars so in line with Gordon Brown’s policy, the company is allegedly considering offering the labour contract to a Hungarian company which will supply the four thousand strong team to build the cars to give to the people who have lost their jobs because people aren’t buying things because they have no money because the bankers have ruined the world’s trade causing a restriction in lending resulting in a collapse in the housing market which had caused a mass laying off of labour creating a bigger demand for cars built in Britain by Hungarians.